This session was very strange. I was instructed to listen to the song “Savin’ Me” by Nickelback while I held my healing wand with both hands. As soon as the music started and I took the wand, electric current rippled through my body making me tremble all over.
I immediately became a fly on the wall – I’m watching Ted, with his hands on a dresser. This is the same room where I saw him upset before, in a previous vision. His face is red, deep red in anger – not embarrassment. The veins stick out on his neck. He is screaming – we had a deal. You’re taking too long. I can hear a male voice, but I don’t know what was said. But Ted’s reaction is an angry outburst. He throws everything that was on the dresser to the ground. His clenched fists pound a wall. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him or felt him this angry before. He’s so angry that tears come fall from his eyes and this only spurs him deeper into anger. I hear the male voice again say something. Ted whips around and screams at the top of his lungs – quit being a selfish bastard. This isn’t all about you.
In two steps he is at Bill’s throat. He picks Bill up off a couch and slams him into the wall. His forearm is against Bill’s throat, choking him. Why did you do that – Ted screams. Can’t you feel it? Can’t you feel her pain, her longing? Can’t you feel mine? You selfish fucking prick. This isn’t about you – but all of us. I need her — don’t you GET IT? I NEED HER! If only to pick up the phone and talk, I need her.
Ted lets Bill down on the ground. He moves over to a fireplace – in it is a burnt piece of paper. I get it — it’s my letter to Bill, he burned it. Watching this unfold, I just felt my soul being ripped apart, almost as if coyotes were trying to tear me limb from limb. I have a pit in the middle of my stomach.
Bill yells back at Ted – she’ll never last. She isn’t one of us. Ted turns – how in the hell do you know? Have you given her a chance? Have you asked?
What about your girlfriend, what will she say once she’s in our lives? Ted messes with what’s left of his hair (it’s buzzed), he chokes up. He is trying so hard to fight the emotions, but he can’t. Quit fucking with my life – Ted says. Don’t you get it — I need her. It’s not a want — it’s a need. All you had to do was to make that call. One call and you could have stepped back.
Bill shakes his head, no I couldn’t — step back. Bill sighs. He turns his back to Ted.
Why not – Ted asks. You don’t want her.
Bill says nothing. Ted grabs his coat and slams out the door.
Bill says — yes I do.
I can see Ted driving like a man bent on either dying or being severely hurt in a crash. I whisper to him to slow down, and he does. The car is a small sports car, but a 4 seater (I think). A light metallic blue, it’s not warm enough to have the top down, but he does. This has to be in the US as his steering wheel is on the left. I can see the car winding up and down the coast – looks to be the Pacific Hwy.
Next the car is parked and he is down by the water – on rocks — just watching the ocean. With no one around, he openly sobs. It’s heart-breaking.
I’m told I’m done.
I can honestly say that I am really hurting – not only emotionally here, but physically. I could feel the anger, the sadness the hurt. From both men – not just Ted. Both guys have fierce tempers when pushed – so their reactions to one another do not surprise me. The notion that Bill burned my letter so that I can not enter their lives, at any point, for any reason is very hurtful. I do have what feel like an emptiness right in the middle for my chest. Here’s to hoping that what I witnessed was acted out only on the astral plane and not in real life — for the sake of all three of us.
What neither of them get is that I AM “one of them” already. I think that they need to come to a realization that I am so much stronger than they give me credit for.
Some day — some day……