Rarely do I find individuals that are strong people in and out of a relationship. When I say strong, I’m not actually talking about physical strength – rather it is strength in who they are as an individual. Yes, an individual. When you are part of a couple you still have to be an individual – you still need to be your own person.

Too many times one or both members of the couple get too involved in the other person to a point that they only exist as a “couple”. 99.99% of these relationships fail. Why? Because one or both people feel smothered at some point in time. if the one who is smothered starts to pull back and reclaim their identity, the other person panics – can have a breakdown and worse yet – become obsessive about the other. No good can come of this!

Before you know it, the two of you split and the one who didn’t want to find any part of their individuality begins a downward spiral as to them – there is no life outside of that relationship. It was the relationship that was a living, breathing entity – not the two people who were part of the relationship.

If you are in a relationship, you should spend your time:

  • Work/school – 30%
  • Self – 35%
  • Relationship/Family – 35%

I know – holy crap – can you believe that I put 35% self? How self-centered is that?

Not at all.

However, many people in a relationship that winds up ending, spend their time (Women):
  • Work/school – 30%
  • Self – 5%
  • Relationship/Family – 65%
OR (Men):
  • Work/school – 60%
  • Self – 35%
  • Relationship/Family – 5%

Now both of the above examples are generalized and not meant to represent ALL women or ALL men. Generally speaking, women tend to put relationships/family first and men put work first.

You need to be a strong person (which doesn’t mean a big ego) on your own. You need to be responsible for your life and your happiness. You need to be comfortable in your skin, good point – bad points and all. To be able to do all that – you have to spend time on yourself. Whether it’s spending 30 min by yourself reading in the evening – going out with the gals (or guys) once a week, jogging every morning, taking a martial arts class, etc…

This way two equally strong people are part of a relationship – you compliment each other rather than “complete” one another. It IS important that you do things together – as a couple and as a family.

A complete person also attracts a complete person – neither of you is looking for the unrealistic twist of having someone else complete you. That allows for the time you spend together to be truly as a couple. These kind of relationships have a 99.99 % chance of staying together.

So take a few minutes today and think about how much time is spent on the relationship, how much time is spent on you and if the two of you have merged into one entity or if you still have separate identities.

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