My eye fiasco lasted an hour on Wed. I called in every light worker I could think of. To all of you who sent me healing light – thank you:) I can’t even begin to describe how freaky it was. Almost on the same line as the mind scanning incident.
Last night I had two dreams that led me down two potential paths. Both dreams started with the same introduction. Rick and I were on his deck snuggling in one of those big deck lounge chairs. Neither of us were speaking – only listening to the ocean. The peacefulness was interrupted by Rick asking me, “When are you supposed to be with Todd?”
I didn’t say anything for a few seconds. “When did you know?” was all I could think to ask. “You had to be blind not to notice fireworks when I introduced you two. Since you’re..psychic…I thought you would know.”
“That obvious huh?”
I don’t know was my reply to Rick. There are two paths and it all depends on our free will.
Todd and I are on the beach – high energy.
“Come on…you can’t deny this!” Todd yelled.
“Deny what?? Huh?? There isn’t anything between us! Go away!”
I turn and try to stomp away through the sand. Todd runs around in front of me to stop my exit. He points at me and said….
“You love me. I love you. Stop torturing us!”
I get up in his face and replied…
“I will never hurt him. NEVER. Do you understand? Never ever for as he is alive will I hurt him. He’s my best friend.”
I walk a few steps and Todd yell “So what am I?”. I stop briefly but I don’t turn around. I move up and out of sight while he stays on the beach.
From behind Todd – Rick appeared. “You can’t have her,” Rick said, “I can’t live without her.”
Todd softly said, “Well neither can I.”
“It looks like then one of us has a problem.” With that Rick turned around and walked away.
This part is all fuzzy – it almost goes in super speed mode – parties, quiet nights – Rick, me and his daughter, my son – plenty of animals come and go. Twenty years pass….
Rick is gravely ill. He’s at home with hospice care. I refuse to leave his side. My son finally talks me into leaving the room to get a shower. A few minutes after I’m gone – my son brings Todd in. Rick said thank you for coming to Todd.
“Promise me you’ll take care of her.”
“I promise” Todd chokes out…”She won’t want for anything…but you.”
“She’s going to have a hard time accepting my death. Be patient. She’s a lot stronger than she knows — she’ll work through the pain.”
I then see me at Rick’s funeral and me losing it. I mean – seriously losing it after the funeral is over. Michael is there to try to help. Todd is being wonderful — but I push everyone away. I’m mean, angry, spiteful, full of hate and rage. This appears to last a year or so. Until I’m sitting outside and Rick appears. He tells me that I have to eat. After some chatting – I eat a bowl of cereal. He tells me that as long as I’m hurting, he can’t move on. It’s time for me to be happy – time for me to love again. I have to let him go.
The next thing I remember is knocking on Todd’s back door with a plate of chocolate chip cookies in my hand. He looks beyond shocked that I’m there. He takes a look around outside and asked how I got there. I told him I walked. He said – you live 10 miles away. Yeah – I said – and I ate some of your cookies.
(Apparently my driving privileges were revoked for some reason).
Todd invited me in. I put down the cookies – looked him square in the eyes and said “I’m sorry.”
“I’m really sorry – about everything. I was so mean to you and all you were trying to do was help.”
He gave me a great big hug and I think I was squeezing a bit too hard. I asked him to take me to Micheal’s house so that I could apologize to him.
Todd and I are fighting. This time I come storming out of my house and walk a few steps to the beach. Todd is right on my heels.
“Will you stop being so impossible!” he yelled.
“Me? Me being the one. How narcissistic of you. You ass hole.”
I keep walking pretty fast….like I could actually lose him (LOL).
“Kiss…..will you just stop!”
He moved around in front of me and stopped. I too then stopped.
“I’m not kissing you.”
“One kiss. That’s it — that’s all I’m asking.”
“No you’re not. One kiss — that’s it huh? I can’t do just one kiss with you — and I know it.”
“I’ll never stop asking you.”
“And I’ll never stop saying no.”
I turn away from him and he grabs my arm. “I know you love me.”
I yank my arm out of his grasp. “Yes, I love you. I love you more than I could ever love another human being that wasn’t my kid. But I love me — no, I have more respect for ME than that.”
“Alison…” (yes, he called me by my legal name – not what I normally go by).
“Don’t Alison me. You’re married. And I will never be anyone’s other woman. I don’t deserve it. Your wife doesn’t deserve it. I’ve had it done to me twice. Two marriages – two cheating bastards. I will not be like them – I’m better than that. And you should love me enough not to put me in that position. Get the fuck out of my face and don’t come back — ever!”
With that I leave and go back in my house. My son is there – I start crying. I’m so very angry. I tell him that I love him – that I’ll be fine — and I go to my room.
The next thing I know there’s a knock on my bedroom door. “Al..let me in.”
“Why are you here.”
“Will you just let me in.”
I open the door and let Rick in. He enters with a six pack of Guinness and a bag of cheese popcorn (my fav BTW when I am drinking beer – unless I’m eating a cheeseburger and ff).
“Your son called me. He’s worried about you.”
So Rick and I lie on the bed and talk. He is my best friend. From what I could tell here – we at one time were friends with benefits — and still are on occasion. But we are the very best of friends first and foremost. And we’re next door neighbors.
The next scene I see I it’s pouring outside. There’s a knock on Rick’s door. He opens it — there on the doorstep is a soaked Todd with two suitcases.
“Movin` in?” Rick asked.
“This is everything I own.”
Rick stepped back — Todd grabbed his belongings and entered.
“I asked her for a divorce.”
“Kinda figured that.”
Todd leaves his wet stuff in the foyer and follows Rick to the kitchen. Rick hands Todd a beer.
“I gave her everything.”
“What about the kids?”
“It wasn’t the time to talk about them.”
“I can imagine.”
There’s a few seconds of awkward silence….
“Yes you can stay.”
Todd let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you.” Todd polishes off the beer. “Will you call her over here?”
Rick doesn’t reply right away. “You hurt her and I swear…”
“I won’t hurt her. I promise. Just give me a chance.”
“It’s not up to me.”
Next thing I know I’m walking into Rick’s house – he tells me to go into the living room. He goes into the kitchen, grabs a few beers and walks back towards his bedroom – dog in tow.
I see Todd….he stands up. He is visibly nervous. “I told her I want a divorce.”
“What did she say?”
“I expected some sort of reaction — but she was colder than normal. She reminded me that our money is her money — that if it wasn’t for her wealthy family we wouldn’t have all of this. I told her to keep it. She seemed relieved. Pissed but relieved. That’s when she blurted out about her boyfriend.” Todd chuckled, “Then I felt relieved.”
“I’m sorry.” was all I could think to say — even though I could feel the inside of me was doing the happy dance.
Todd crosses the distance between us in seconds — he cups my face in his hands. “Now can I kiss you?”
I smiled, “Yes”.
I then had a forth dream that took me back to Rick and I on the lounge chair on his deck
. “So I don’t know which way it’ll go.”
“Either way,” Rick kissed me, “You go through a lot of pain.”
“I could do without the pain. But what I gain is a shower of love from two wonderful men that will last me the rest of my life. That I can live with.”
Then I woke up.
In between each dream I woke up. I think I did that on purpose so that I could remember each dream. If you sleep straight through the night and just go dream to dream you can miss out on a lot of the detail.
I’ve had people ask me if I know how I’ll meet Rick or Todd. I have no idea. I’ve tried to concentrate on it a few times – but it’s too muddled. I’ve asked others – for them it too is muddled. That means that there are still things that have to fall into place.
The major player in those “things” is book one of the series. So I have to get back to it — and return emails.