Being present at every moment in our relationships can be tricky. We’re going to have days when we’re out of it, stressed out, angry, sad and even just too busy to notice. Falling out of touch for a moment or two is fine and completely natural, but what about when you lose that connection when you’re having sex?
That moment when you’ve let your “to-do” list take over or you’re just too lost in your own head to focus on what’s going on. It happens to all of us, but it can slowly take over if we don’t recognize the problem and work on it.
Losing the connection during sex can make it substantially harder to achieve orgasm. Without focus on the moment, your bodily sensations and emotions, you’re not likely to achieve the big O. It can also make your partner feel like they are disconnected with you and now you’re both wondering what’s wrong.
Get out of your own head and use some of these tips to help the two of you reconnect even at the most stressful of times.
Spend time talking to each other beforehand and get each other excited through words; don’t just dive into foreplay. Sit down with your partner, share a glass of wine and catch up on the day. Building an emotional connection prior to sex can help you stay in the moment and keep your partner at the forefront of your mind. Relaxing before hand will also help you de-stress. You’ll be able to cast aside some of your current worries or stressors and allow yourself to truly enjoy the moment.
In the same vein as above, you also don’t want to just go from talking into having sex. That’s an easy way for you to feel very disjointed. Instead, take the time to enjoy your love making. Bring out some Adam & Eve lube and engage in a little foreplay. Work each other over by teasing and tempting one another. Focus on every sensation they are giving you and force yourself to relax. When we’re stressed out, we tend to involuntarily tense all of our muscles; we can get lost in that without even realizing it. So be sure to stay calm, appreciate what your partner is doing to you and then return the favor.
Finally, when it comes to the love making, try to keep your focus on your partner. Look into their eyes, talk to them, and try to align your breath with theirs. Yoga teaches you the importance of focusing on your breath because it can help you stay in the now. There is nothing else except for the next breath you’re going to take, so use this philosophy when you’re having sex. Notice how your breath grows and time it with your partners. You’ll instantly feel connected to them.
If you feel like the two of you are truly missing a connection all around, you can try two things:
One– just talk to them about it. Sometimes your inability to connect is actually because they aren’t connecting with you. See what the two of you can do to work on it and where the problems lie. Talk about how it makes you feel and what you want to get out of your sex life.
Two–You can try incorporating some tantric sex into your bedroom routine if OBE sex is not your thing. Tantric sex is focused on the connection that two people have, how their sync’d breath can heighten excitement and how each singular movement feels. Consider researching tantric further and giving it a try or looking for a tantric sex workshop near you. It can be a lot of fun, incredibly pleasurable an teach you a whole lot about each other.
Reconnect with your partner and enjoy one another again. A little effort today will save your relationship tomorrow.