Life is interesting and always has another reveal around the corner. Several days ago in my post about Big House and Ex Husbands I mentioned that if I say my 1st ex husband (yes I have 2 exes) in my dreams, that I would tell him to get the hell out of my life.
Then I watched “The Notebook” for the 5th or 6th time, a day after I wrote that entry. Now “Noah” reminded me of ex #1 from his 1st entrance on the screen in that movie. Mannerisms, facial expression, gestures…it was uncanny. But besides noticing the simaliarties, I didn’t think anything beyond that – until now.
This last time when I watched it I guess I paid more attention to the relationship between Noah and Allie instead of just Noah. It sunk in how they were around one another and their love/hate banter (especially about her fear to try new things or go against her family. Ex and I would fight about both all the time) – the 1st movie they watched was Li’l Abner (Li’l Abner was ex 1 nickname when we met), how Noah’s dad embraced Allie but Allie’s family did not embrace Noah. Exes family embraced me, my family did not return the love. They instead displayed tolerance.
Which of course got me to thinking about Noah’s letter writing (ex 1 did that too) and how at the end he wouldn’t leave his sweetie and did everything in his power to get her to remember him (ex 1 would do this – I know it).
Through all that thought process it got to realize how angry I was still at him. We’ve been divorced since 1992 and both moved on with our lives. I had no idea the anger and hurt I still carried around with me until this moment – 20 yrs after our divorce.
Because I just NOW rediscovered this PAIN, I am FINALLY able to FORGIVE two young and stupid people and I’m able to RELEASE that pain and judgement.
Now I can actually move forward with life.
My advice to you is if you find yourself in a rut or in a stalemate and you cannot figure out why:
- Discover what lessons you need to learn to move forward. If you already know those lessons and you know you have learned them…
- Then dig deep inside and find out what pain your soul still carries and release it.
Even though I’m re-experiencing the pain of the past, because I am able to see it and release it, I feel much better – lighter and more positive.
What’s holding you back?
What pain do you still carry in your soul?
Being the intuitive person I am, I can hear someone yelling – WAS HE YOUR NOAH?
(SHRUG) He very well could have been, I’ve never loved anyone like I loved him so far in my life. But since I’m only 1/2 way through my life, I don’t know what the second half brings! But if I’m lucky enough to find a love like him again (preferably without the “hate” part of the relationship) and be blessed with such a love, this time I refuse to let anyone break us up.