Pain, Crying, Some More Pain and My Better Thirds.

Pain, Crying, Some More Pain and My Better Thirds.

No more phone calls. I don’t think that the person is in MT any more. But I sure hope that they call when they get home.

I meditated today with my new Russian Astrophyllite w/ Garnet sphere and my healing wand – surrounded by the 3 crystals.

My heart is so heavy today that I wasn’t sure how this session would go. My husband was being a dick too, right before the session and it didn’t help my mood any. I keep crying – just keep crying.

So – with that said – let me tell you what happened.

I knew that my first stop had to be Bill – the pull was too strong for it not to be. I find him in his car, in the midst of traffic. He is hot, bothered – but the windows are open, he is not using his air. His hair morphed through different styles until it ended on his hair being almost shoulder length – with it tied back in a pony tail. He was unshaven and appeared as if he has not gotten a shower in the last 24 hrs.

His eyes are red, his face pale. I sit down in the passenger seat – he tilts his head to the side and give me a glance like he feels my presence. Then he shakes his head – calls himself nuts. I start telling him how much I miss him. That he needs to believe that what he sees in his visions and dreams to be truth. That he is not crazy – that I am very real, what he feels is real – what he can sense of me is also real. He needs to stop being afraid and to take action. He knows how to find me just as well as I know how to find him. But I am accessible and easy to get to – unlike him. “Breathe (2am)” comes on his radio (at least now I know why I kept hearing the song in my mind) and he screams. I mean a big ole “I can’t take it any more” scream. There is so much pain. Tears are flowing down his face and I discover that the same is happening to me. I’m calling for help – from anyone who can hear my voice to help Bill with his pain.

Jesus arrives – but I’m not real sure where he sat – or if he did. I was instructed to remove Bill’s pain. So we both put our hands out and I could see this black substance pouring out from his body – from his chest – it would hit our hands and shoot straight up through the sky. We then sent light and love into his chest. The traffic still not moving – he lays his head back on the head rest – closes his eyes. He smiles slightly as I can see him filling up with light and the last of the black goop disappears.

Jesus holds out his hand, I take it. Next thing I know I am in my meadow. But I’m still crying. I fall to my knees, the tears are pouring out I can feel them running down my face. I have so much pain in me – it’s suffocating. Jesus stands over me. I am then surrounded by more angels then the eyes can see. I tell him that I cannot take the pain any longer. That the hurt, anger and frustration of being physically separated from Bill has taken its toll. I cannot understand why two people who want to be together so bad are kept separate. Why has the Divine created such a bond – had us remember this bond – but continues to see us in so much pain. Jesus tells me to release my pain – to give him my pain. I am crying pretty hard by now. I hold out my hands and I can see the black goop pour from my body. Jesus absorbs it and then releases it to the heavens. I am told to lie on my back. I do.

The next thing I know I am levitating with all of the angels and Jesus pouring love and light into my body. I open my eyes and through the light I can see Atlantis. It is beautiful. From Atlantis – there is a healing light being absorbed by my soul. When I am back on the ground – it is just Jesus and I again.

He tells me that all is falling into place. That I have much work to do and it is not a time for despair, but for preparation. I ask when – he smiles. I tell him that Bill needs more help – he says that he is receiving it right now. I ask about August 28th. He smiles and says that it is a turning point – that I must be prepared when that date arrives. I ask what am I to do about my husband. He says that I already have the answer for that. I ask about my healing gift – what should I do? He replies that I need to keep sending light to those who need it (my hands are burning up as soon as I started to talk about healing) and for me not to be afraid. My calling will be revealed to both Bill and I once we are physically together.

I look over and see Brigit. It has been awhile since her and I have spoken – so it was nice to see her. I turn to say something to Jesus – but he fades from view. Brigit grabs my hand – she wants to show me something. On the way to the bright light – she tells me how important it is for me to finish my gypsy books – if only to get them as is (I think she was talking about ebooks) for that is how I will move to the next level. It is how I will have my income so that I can take the next step. Without the income – there can be no next step.

We exit the light and we are in Ted’s flat. His hair is kind of longish, scruffy beard – looks pretty good, although tired. His eyes are red. Brigit points to what he is doing. I look over his shoulder and I can see him sketching my 3 stone pendant! It’s darn good too – almost an exact match to what I have on right now. I see drawings of Atlantis – and of us three. I look at myself and I don’t look too similar to how I am now – but he has drawn my brown eyes – with a blue/green tint to them. The same blue/green as the water is in all my Atlantis visions. It’s really very cool to look at. I also see that he has drawn many different pictures of himself through out his past lives – with an emphasis on when he was a priest (Joan of Arc days) and when he was a priest after Atlantis (when we all died – the one that reminds me of the movie scene I cannot sit through).

His girlfriend enters and she is just bitching up a storm. Something about a connection he made for her not working out. She keeps droning on. He gets up to try to hug her and she basically pushes him away. She sees his drawings and calls him pathetic. She puts her hand out – says she’s going to go shopping. He hands her his credit card. She storms out.

I kiss him on the cheek – he puts his hand to the spot I kissed. I tell that he is better than that and she needs to go. He sighs. I look at Brigit – she says that he’ll be fine. She comments on his artistic ability and that he is improving so much in his ability to connect to us. I ask her if he will feel the same pain of separation that Bill and I do – she comments that he already does. Only not to the same extent. She kisses me and tells me to go. I have much work to do.

Then I wake up. I still have that pit in my chest – but at least there are no more tears. A definite improvement. If I didn’t know any better I’d say I had PMS – but it’s not possible right now. This has been all raw emotion – no hormonal imbalance present.

Not positive if I want to mediate with that sphere again tomorrow. I know that whatever emotions I have bottled up in me must come out. But quite frankly I am sick of the pain. I suppose the longer I hold onto it – the longer I’ll feel it – huh? Best thing to do is to let it go.

Sudden poetic muse…

In the emptiness where love should stand,
Is a void – a deep, hurtful vast waste of space.
Are you done feeling the pain?
The hurt?
The sorrow?

Then kneel and request,
That your love shall be found,
And it will be returned to you.

Have the faith that your request is heard,
— Answered.
That you are worthy,
Of such a love,
And you shall receive your request,
— Threefold.

Every morning I draw 3 Runes to see how my day will go. I also draw one when I am in the need to an answer to a question. I was asking about Bill the other day and I kept getting conflicting answers. I looked at the Runes and said, “You’re @ucking with me – aren’t you?” My phone
rings once – no one there. I stare at the Runes for a minute and reply “You want me to stop relying on you and simply trust myself.” the phone rings once – no one there. Okay – fine – I get it. I don’t like it – but I get it.

My Runes are a daily habit that I’ve had for years. It’ll be a hard habit to break – but I’m going to give it a shot.

BTW…my hands are so hot that they are sweating. I think I’ll go lay them on my toothless snoop dog – Indiana Jones.

Until tomorrow…

Crystal Sunshine!

Do You Know Your WHY? Knowing your WHY helps to give your life meaning. Finding your why + your personal life purpose creates a life of happiness and fulfillment. Check out the guide + workbook today!


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