But. What a horrible word. Any time you here a sentence with that word included, it means one of two things:
- Everything I said prior to the but is a lie.
- Everything I said prior to the but is true, but with these conditions…
So if someone says, I love you, but…
- You work too much.
- You have too many animals (or any animals at all).
- You have children.
- You want children.
- You don’t want children.
- You are a slob.
- You are a neat freak.
What they really mean is I love you but (fill in the blank) makes me uncomfortable and is not what I want in my life. So if you get rid of/change your mind/change, I will love you completely. If you don’t (fill in blank) I will walk and your heart will be broken.
That isn’t true love – it is conditional love. And no one should settle for that.
There’s a woman who after many years of searching finally found a man who she loves and who loves her. BUT she has 8 cats – and he doesn’t like the cats. So in order for their relationship to go to the next level – the cats have to go.
(and no – this isn’t me – I have 11 and I would have kicked this guys ass out the door already)
So what should she do? Get rid of the cats or the man (you already know my answer).
Let’s look at both solutions:
1) Gets rid of the cats. She has 8 cats so she is obviously an animal lover – and with this many – probably looks at the felines as family – not just cats. She gives all the cats away. Her heart is broken. She has her man now — so that should fix things up – right? Underneath she regrets her decision – and blames him. In time she’ll get over it – right? All repressed hurt, anger, sadness does is breed more hurt, anger, and sadness. They get married. A few years down the line she’s at a job she loves and excels at. It keeps her busy. He doesn’t like it. He is now competing against the job. She now either has to quit the job or the marriage is over. She quits – wants to keep the man who loves her. She buries her hurt and sadness. Time moves forward – anytime she does something he does not like – he threatens to leave – she caves. Sounds like a wonderful to go through life – doesn’t it?
2) Gets rid of man. Has sadness and regret for awhile. Then realizes that in the long run it probably wouldn’t have worked. Puts her mind to it to find a man who loves all of her. 3 years after that break-up she does. Married now with 15 cats and a farm.
What is the moral here? When you love someone you love all of them – not just the pieces that suit you. Nobody and I mean NOBODY should compromise who they are – EVER – for the sake of another person. If you discover something at the start of a relationship: kids, animals, cleanliness, morning person/night person, etc… that doesn’t jive with who you are — make the choice either to walk away or accept it. This saves the both of you pain — which will be inevitable down the road.
So the next time you hear I love you, but…..
What are you going to do? Don’t be shy — let me know in the comments below!
Want to find the right one for you? Saving you time and pain? Let’s talk! Let’s start finding your soul mate today!