Sit back and grab a beverage…this is going to be a long one.
Where to begin? How about I’ll start with Wednesday night.
I’m at the computer working on a short screenplay for a contest – a romantic comedy about senior citizen dating:) When I get a rush of energy from my feet all the way up through my head – and this energy brings on a feeling that I need to stop what I’m doing and enter into a meditative state. I felt that it needed to be NOW. So I did just that, at my desk.
Immediately I saw myself walking through the door in the white complex – I was in the garden. I had on a white flowing robe, my hair was down, and I had a halo of white light around my head. My hair was shinny and had a red tint to it, which it naturally does when the sun shines on it.
I see Jesus and a whole host of angels all in white. I kneel and am given a chalice – I can tell there is someone beside me, but I am not shown who is also kneeling. There is a red liquid in the chalice. I am told to drink it and I know it is the actual blood of Christ. I drink and hand it back – it is then given to the person beside me. For some reason I keep my head down.
Then I hear.”Go in peace to love and serve the Lord”. I turn around without looking who else was there and walk out the door.
When I open my eyes I had a single tear fall from my right eye.
It feels to me that my gift of healing was expanded upon. That I am able to heal better and with a quickness (if that is what is meant to be for that person). If I think about this experience, of about healing at all, my hands fire up to a high temperature. I honestly do not know what I am to do with this. I know – heal. But — how?? I can’t place a shingle outside my house in the heart of the bible belt and Amish country that says “Faith Healers “R” Us!”. I guess I have to wait for more directions.
On to Thursday…
Not much happened in the way of forward movement. But what did transpire is a urgency from Bill. It’s hard to explain, so I’ll just say that I can sense him reaching out – calling for me. Several times throughout the day – I would catch glimpses of him. When I say glimpse – I mean a spilt second he was there and gone. Like he kept getting interrupted. I kept looking at the empty space and saying to him it would be much easier if he would just CALL!
This was also my husband 43rd birthday – you would think he turned 60 by the way he acted – emotionally, mentally, physically. Of course, he had to fire 3 people when he got to work, so that didn’t help his mood. I keep asking the powers that be – why? How did I end up in a relationship with a person who is my exact opposite 95% of the time. The response I got last night – I was told that the last phase, the darkness, has come to a close and I am to begin anew with the highest blessings and love from the Divine – the Lord.
Although that is the message I got – and I know I live with the tar pit of negativity, but I am today better equipped not to get sucked in by his blackness. That I am able to handle this last phase of the marriage. I get a feeling that by this time next year I will be in a healthy, relationship 🙂 I have to be able to deal with his negativity because the work I am to do will put me in contact with the negativity of society and I need to be strong. If I cannot handle my husband – then I can not handle the world:) So, the conclusion I get is to why we got married was to make me a stronger person and to have that wonderful lamb chop of mine. That kid is by far the best thing in my life and I would do the hell of the last 13 years over again just to make sure he was born.
I don’t discuss my marriage much because unfortunately, there isn’t much to talk about. You can’t help a person that doesn’t want to be helped, no matter what potential you see inside of them. We’re just two people on two separate paths who happen to have a wonderful kid we both love and adore.
So enough said about that.
Are you still with me? Good – cause there’s more!
I want to get to today’s medatation. But first just a moment of background info:
I love movies. If a movie catches my fancy, I’m up to watching said movie more times than a “normal” person should (can you say original Star Wars – saw it 100 times in 1977) and I only get emotional the first few times at the correct time (E.T. go home – by the 4th take I could watch with a smile on my face).
Okay – so I watch a movie back at the end of 2002. At the end was a death scene – by far – the best death scene I have ever watched. Not only did the actor have it down (and this actor is a pro at dying, since he meets his demise in a majority of his films), but the music was soul-bending, the fight scene spectacularly choreographed, the sequence was perfect and the other actors were superb. I cried like a baby. I mean CRIED! It was embarrassing – thank God no one saw me but me!
I know – what movie? I want to tell you – but I keep getting a “no”. So maybe later.
Anywho…I’ve watched that particular scene hundreds (yes – I said hundreds) of times – every darn time I cry like a baby. It’s a hurtful cry – like someone is reaching inside and pulling out my soul. My brain knows it’s a movie and that these are actors playing roles. But the rest of me cannot seem to grasp that concept.
On to the meditation:
I can see Ted as a priest and myself a nun. There are about a dozen children with us and we are trekking though the woods. By the way we are dressed, it looks to be in a life either right after Atlantis or during this same time – but after we fled Atlantis. No one is talking – we are using our hands to talk. We are trying to make it through undetected. I get a feel that we are part of an orphanage that the church wanted destroyed – including us – for the gifts we had – we were looked upon as being children of the devil, of evil. Even though that wasn’t the case.
We are surrounded by a band of warriors/knights with swords and bow & arrows. Their mission is to kill all of us. Ted puts up the fight of his life, trying to defend everyone. He’s struck, again and again, but he keeps on fighting. Children are dying and he is just trying so hard to save us. Out of no where comes Bill. He too is dressed like a priest or maybe a monk, but he has a sword in his hand. He joins Ted in helping to defend.
Ted finally gets the hit that sends him down. He dies in my arms saying how sorry he is for not saving us. I try to reassure him that he fought with honor – no need to be sorry. He says that he has always loved me – I let him know the same and he dies.
I grab his knife and am able to stick a man who was battling with Bill. But then another gets Bill and down he goes down. I’m doing what I can to help the children – but I’m no match. The men watch me go to Bill. He dies the same way as Ted, in my arms, saying the same words.
The men decide to have some fun with me before they kill me. As I’m being raped – I can see Bill and Ted’s spirits with their arms outstretched. In a split second, I am there with them as I watch the men physically kill me.
The feelings and emotions I had during this meditation are the EXACT feelings/emotions I get when I watch that death scene. Now I know why that scene is so hard for me – it reminds my soul of this past life. No wonder I cannot stop from crying. Everything I sensed during that meditation was if it was happening in the present.
Now that I’ve put two and two together, and I know I’m right by the energy rush I had, I have to watch that scene again to see what happens.