I’m a podcaster with no pod. SIGH. My iPod bit the dust. The little button inside the wheel went out. I feel lost already.
That aside – the flash spell book is coming together swimmingly. 1111 spells don’t seem like a lot until you start writing them. lol. My kids book has hit a wall. I find that I don’t know what the heck I’m doing. HA! I know what I want to say — but to put it short sweet and descriptive I’m finding is a bigger challenge than I thought it would be.
Speaking of challenges. It is so much easier to give suggestions to people about what to do with their lives than to take my own advice and apply it to my life. I always tell people – follow your heart. Trust your intuition. Blaze your own trail…etc… Yet when I’m stuck at a fork in the road – I can’t decide what I should do. And it really needs to be me to decide. What is it you ask? Well as friends on FB already know – I was stuck in a dilemma about whether or not to go to grad school this year to start my master’s degree in marriage & family therapy or wait (and take the chance of never going back).
My logical side was all over this — keep going to school. In 2 years you’ll have a solid job – one that is needed. At minimum you’ll make $45k a year. Then my spiritual side would speak up – if you go to grad school you will not be able to write (online programs are not an option). Between the school work and the supervised hours needed to graduate – there’s no way. So unless I can get all my writing done between now and the end of Aug – it would have to wait until 2013.
Reading “The Map” book – also had me discover that I was going back and forth between ‘Shouldville’ (I should do this – should do that) and a flowering meadow. I like the meadow. That’s the way I feel when I write. Plant the seeds and watch it all grow. I’m decided I’m done with what I should do (according to others) and I want to stay in the meadow which will then turn into a beautiful garden. I like it —right here—.
I wrestled with this — and I had for months.
Now my BA I had to get – it was one of my Destiny Markers. It was a must-do. Going on beyond it – isn’t necessary. Writing is on my Destiny Marker list – in many places. I have to write like a fish has to be in the water.
So how could I go two years without writing anything?
My guides answered — well Allie – what have you written since 2008? Humm…….ahhh…..nothing. I see (the guides boomed down) and how has that made you feel? Like crap – I answered.
Which from that I made the bold discovery – me not writing is like sister #1 not traveling (she travels all the time) or sister #2 not being artistic (very very artsy). It’s not an option.
The guides jump in again — ok, if you do not continue to go to school – you have to write. There’s no messing around. No watching TV. No sleeping in all the time. No video games. No filling your time up with readings, radio shows or blogs. You have to write – period. Everything else then falls in around it (readings, blogs, TV, etc..). That’s the only way this is going to work and the only way you will experience soul growth. Otherwise you will go back to the barren land and stay there.
Hell no I said — I’m not going back to the barren land and I’m not staying in Shouldville. I’m on to a flowering meadow, a garden and the ocean. Period.
Which got me to thinking about a question I pondered over earlier….expand GA or sex coaching? The answer is neither. Write — and everything else will fall into place.
I decided no to grad school for now. I’m going to make a lot of people feel disappointed in me. But if I don’t write I’ll be disappointed in myself and that is a feeling that I’ve lived with for too long and I will no longer accept it into my life. It’s not up to me to fix how other people feel – but it is up to me on how I feel and react.
There you go – I’m taking my own advice.
How do I feel about it? Excited. Nervous. Enthusiastic. Happy. Worried. Creative.
Onward and upward!
Dreamers. It is pushing out from my psyche. It wants out in the worst way. I had to make a deal with it. I told it that I will outline it – lay the foundation – while I finish the spell book and do the oracle cards. It’s like I’m not moving fast enough. The walls of my office is starting to be wallpapered in index cards. I should take a picture and post:)
My son was so excited today to meet the new kid in his class that we actually got to school early. This is the same kid who I have to argue with on a daily basis just to get him to school on time so he doesn’t get a tardy slip. He also asked me when I was going to have another kid. I think I laughed too hard at that question because he crossed his arms and stared at me. There are no more children coming out of this body. Now that would certainly keep me from writing!
Of – off to do some homework (and then write).