In my twenties and thirties, all books I had read about sex, all movies I watched,the couples had their orgasms simultaneously. It was wonderful-I thought-God I can’t wait until I can do that with someone. Time and time I tried to well-time it-with a partner and we were off. It was frustrating to me and very frustrating to my partners.

Why was it more stressful for the men than for me? Well a man would need perfect ejaculatory control. Perfect control. The word perfect is a mis-leading term. Unless you’re God or your picture has been retouched – there’s no such thing as perfect.

As men age it can be more difficult for a man to have an orgasm during vaginal intercourse. The stimulation a man gets from this kind of sexual interaction may not be intense enough. Older men could need more stimulation by mouth, hand or by toys.

Women may not be able to have an orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone. Fewer than half of women are able to have an orgasm during intercourse – no matter how long the it lasts. Most women need direct clit stimulation. A man could stimulate the clit with his hand or a sex toy — but a focus on timing might distract the woman and interfere with her orgasm.

Synchronous orgasms are not the goal of intimacy. Its goal is to show love, friendship, personal sharing while enjoying sensual/sexual play. Mind-blowing sex is not about timing orgasms, it is about pleasure and the connection you feel when you are with someone that means something to you.

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