You finally asked her out. She said yes. Now you’re on that date. How can you make the date a winner? How can you get to date number 2? or maybe even date 3 or 4? It helps to know the right things to say. Of course it is a bonus to know what NOT to say. With help from Match.com, here are some do’s and don’t along with Allie’s $.02.
Five things she’d love to hear:
1. You look amazing.
Acknowledge (and appreciate) that she went all-out for you. Trust us, even if this is a simple latte liaison, a degree of decision-making went into that jeans-tee-ponytail combo she’s got going on. No need to be too specific with your compliment; just let her know you’ve noticed that she looks good.
Allie: You can never tell a woman enough times how amazing she looks. Sure, she may blush and tell you to stop. But she doesn’t mean it. As long as you don’t overkill it. This is a great thing to say a few times during the date.
2. How was your day?
This may seem like innocuous chit-chat, but it shows you care and are interested in her life. Make sure to really listen to the response rather than glaze over when she itemizes details of a petty spat with a coworker. Bonus: It’ll give you something to follow up on in a later conversation (e.g., “Did you patch things up with that woman in finance yet?”)
Allie: The key here is that you actually listen to her answer. Don’t bother to ask the question if you are not actually going to pay attention to the answer. Trust me, she’ll know if you’re listening or not.
3. I’m really having a great time with you.
This is probably the best thing you can say mid-date! It takes the edge off and lets her know she can relax. You’ll also get feedback on how she’s feeling, too. Hopefully, she’ll beam back and say, “Me too!” as opposed to a sniffle followed by her muttering, “How nice.”
Allie: A great way to slide into the last half of the date. You will also be able to tell by her reply on if she’s having a great time with you. If she’s not, then you have time to change the game plan.
4. What do you think about such-and-such topic?
Guys, you’re great at telling us what you think, but you can be a bit stingy about seeking out our opinions. Ask your date for her viewpoint and she’ll be flattered and stimulating discourse is bound to ensue. Naturally, steer clear of obscure subjects she may not be up on or comfortable discussing, and only bring up hot-button issues like politics if you’re prepared for a potentially serious debate to follow shortly thereafter.
Allie: Religion is another area to stay clear of discussing. Politics and religion are hot buttons that once pushed, is almost impossible to recover from. But asking her opinion on other subjects will show her that you care what she thinks.
5. I’d love to see you again.
This is a great way to end a date, because it assures your date that you like her (and it may also prevent that awful waiting-by-the-phone thing women tend to do). Trust us, she’ll appreciate it.
Allie: Excellent way to end a date. Period.
Five things she’d hate to hear…
1. You’ve really got a great body. Do you work out or something?
Do not say anything like this, please! It is way too objectifying and will make her uncomfortable. Avoid making mention of any particular body part or anything that might make you seem shallow.
Allie: If I tell you that you have a nice body, would you hold it against me? <--another line never ever to utter. Mentioning the body is such an 1980's Leisure Suit Larry way to pour on the charm, and get the door slammed in your face. 2. Oh, I know all about that!
If you’re commiserating, fine, but if you’re about to start pontificating, resist! Women like intelligent, informed, worldly men, but we also appreciate humility. When you put on your “superior face,” you’re so not sexy to us anymore. If she wanted a know-it-all, she’d spend her evening with Wikipedia.
Allie: No one knows everything about everything. If you’re a show-off now, she’ll think to yourself what a “pain in the ass” you’ll be if the two of you continue dating.
3. I’ve been shopping for a new luxury SUV
Such a transparent attempt to impress her will have the reverse effect, unless you hear “cha-chiiing” and dollar signs appear in her eyes. So bag those “I’m a big man” comments about your stuff, your status and your salary.
Allie: Either she’ll think you’re a pompous ass, or she’ll look at you as her bank account. Either way, it’s not good.
4. Wanna come back to my place for a bit after dinner?
Asking a woman to drop by your place off the cuff, huh? What’s next? Showing her your etchings? We women hear this and automatically think you’re just trying to get us in a compromising position, even if you really do have a good reason for inviting us in. It would be way better to say something like, “I’d invite you to my place, but it’s a wreck” and wait for her to insist that she doesn’t mind first. Oh, and never ask to “come in for a minute to use the bathroom” when dropping her off at her door, either.
Allie: Tread careful with this line. Although a woman may want to have sex with you, she doesn’t want to feel like she’s a piece of meat. So the second way this line is said puts the control into the woman’s hands and she may be much more willing to come up and take a look around the place.
5. I’ll call you.
OK, this actually is what she wants to hear, but so many men say it and don’t follow through that I need to caution you about doing that first. So if you have any doubt in your mind whatsoever about calling her, do not utter those three little words! Instead, wish her luck on the big presentation she mentioned, thank her for sharing her time with you and say goodnight.
Allie: No matter who I have talked to (myself included) when a guy says this, 88% of the time it’s just a statement so that he can end the date without a lot of fuss and muss. He never actually intends to call.
Dating is tough as it is. With this head’s up you might be able to make the most of a first date.
Ladies — any comments on the list? Anything you’d like to add or subtract?