Strangely enough, I’m not taken into a strange room, or place this time – but my own house. I look around, there is no one here – not even my animals. I can feel my anger, I’m pissed, real pissed. I grab my son’s aluminum baseball bat and just start breaking things. The lamps, the big screen TV. I take the end table and throw it through a front window. I dismantle the DVD player, the VCR, the stereo is in pieces. The whole time I am yelling that I’m an idiot. That how could I have been this stupid. Cuss words are flying out of my mouth. The downstairs computer that my son and husband use is next. I rip it from the cabinet and proceed to beat the crap out of it.
The dining room – toast. The china cabinet – the pictures on my table (except the ones of my son or of my mom, sisters, dad, grandparents) shredded. I’m standing there breathing heavy. I can still feel the rage inside of me when I hear someone clapping. I turn and it’s my guide Robert. It’s about time – he says. About time for what? I yell. For you to get mad enough to let out your anger. For you to get mad enough that you are ready for a change. For you to be disgusted enough to want something better. For you to be pissed enough that you haven’t heard from anyone. You’ve been holding a lot in – waiting. Holding and little by little the hatred and the anger has been eating at you.
I would have the say that the anger – at least in one respect – is not anger but completely disgust. I say. I agree – Robert says. So now what? I add. Change can finally begin. You have had your friends around you waiting. What friends – I have to ask. This is when I see them. My fairies, elves, gnomes and banshees from the forest here in my home. They are all smiling, carrying on like the Elementals they are.
I throw down the bat and ask Robert. Is anything going to stand in my way now? He shakes his head – no. I have to laugh at that – I’ve always been my worse enemy – I chime in. All humans are this way – he says.
Can you get us out of here – I ask. With a wave of his hand we are at the beach. Much better. The water is aquamarine, the sand is white. A gentle breeze rolls in off the water. It’s perfect – and calming. Robert and I sit underneath a palm tree. I ask him about the dream I had last night:
I can remember entering into the Fairmont Royal York hotel in Toronto with some friends. We are all dressed up nice and I can remember thinking to myself that no one is going to believe what I am wearing. I comment to them that I was here during the Canada/USA Businesswomen’s Trade Summit in 1999 (which in reality – I was). I commented that I got to meet the Secretary of Commerce as well as top officials in the Canadian government. It was a wonderful week. They couldn’t believe that I was chosen to be there and I had to convince them that I was indeed – there. We walk into one of the ballrooms and it is all of my high school mates from my class (85) but also from 82 – 84 (which I had plenty of friends). I walk over to my two friends Ken and Pat. Ken is working on his nails (I don’t know) and Pat is working on a project with I think Todd. Pat comments that in the 30+ years he has known me this is the first sexy dress he has ever seen me in. I ask if it looks okay -and they all agree that it does. There is another man at the small table – his name is Jack or John and he says “Hi Alison” and I don’t know what to say back as I don’t know his name. Pat jumps up and tells me – he is so and so (can’t remember) and I says Hi back. But he is the imagine of an actor I think I saw on TV once, can’t remember his name or what I even saw him in — I just know he was a TV actor. Anyways – he gets up and leaves.
That is when another guy named AK, about age 28, and has NOTHING to do with my high school goes walking past me and hits the double doors to the outside. I tell him to wait up and he does. Now we are both outside the hotel on some covered walkway/sidewalk. I am fixing something on my foot when I notice he is really upset. He hands me a can of Guinness and goes on to explain that his wife D is here with a date. Now D has nothing to do with my school either. I ask how he’s doing and he says that he isn’t coping well. I ask what is she going to do when his work is done – he says — find more work. That is unless I know something. I assure him that he’s a brilliant man and that he will find plenty of work.
Then I wake up.
So Robert says – what do you need to know? What’s the dream mean? He replies: The trade show – a significant event in your life – right? (Right) High school – a significant event in your life – right? (Unfortunately Right). Then you helping AK will be another significant event in your life. Be on the look out for him. With that Robert disappears and I’m done.
Interesting — very interesting. The whole session really. I rather liked kicking the crap out of my house – even if it was only on the astral plane. It did relieve some tension – that’s for sure! Especially since I did discover some disturbing tid bits today that disgust the hell out of me. I’m not going to get into it – but it was enough to flip a switch in my brain.
Have an awaking day!