Today I decided to mediate with my healing wand and a nice chunk of Ohio Celestite (it connects us to our “higher self” but of facilitating the fully conscious embodiment of that part of who we are).
I began with a split screen. On one side I can see Bill, in an office, looking through a stack of papers. On the other side, Ted is reading a book of poetry by Yeats. There was a certain line I saw during the session, but now it escapes me. Something like “hath man who loves is forever present, never mourn – he has but a wish to be whole”.
I tell the Divine that I must speak to both men. Bill stops what he is doing, closes the office door and lies down on a couch. Ted rests the book on his chest and rests his head back onto the chair.
Within moments, both men are beside me. Bill gives me a kiss on the lips and then so does Ted. Both are happy to see me and one another. I grab their hands and tell them we have to talk. Ted chuckles and then says “when a woman says that I know we’re in trouble.” Bill laughs. I assure both that no one is on my naughty list – yet. They both like the idea of that list 🙂
We arrive in lush surroundings – tropical in setting. There is a wonderful natural pool, with a waterfall. Off the pool is a short connecting stream to a larger lake. I take off my clothes and the guys to do the same. I jump in the water – it feels so cool against my skin. It’s like a slice of heaven. We swim around and act like kids – splashing, dunking each other – having fun. I swim over to a rock and rest my arms on it. The guys follow.
I talk about what is holding us back from reaching the next level? Ted comments – to know we are not crazy. I say true – that does help. I’ve passed that stage – but you two are still in it. What will help you both is if you get together and start talking about this – call each other up and discuss the dreams, visions – you will both discover that you have the same dreams. Once your rational mind realizes this – the fear of being crazy will be let go.
Off on a near by shore – I notice a teepee with smoke rising out of the middle. I ignore it and go on.
They agree with what I am saying. I mention that right now all 3 of us are naked. We are vulnerable to one another. We can each get to that hidden kernel that is buried within all of us – that untouchable part that no one else has been able to see – to know. That’s scary. They agree.
Then Ted chimes in – “what if you come into our lives and don’t like it? I know that I couldn’t take having you in my life and then you leave. It would kill me.”
In a soft voice Bill says “I wouldn’t survive it.”
So I reply: “Don’t you two get how strong I am? Everything that has happened in my life so far was to get me to this point. To make me strong. I didn’t survive drug addicts, accidents, death threats, murdered animals, ridicule and insane step children for nothing. I can take what is handed to me.”
Bill says, “But we live in a fish bowl” I reply “I can swim”
Ted says “People are cruel” I reply “Tell me something I don’t already know. I can handle it. I’m not going anywhere”
I then say how the Divine did not give us these memories for us to sit on them. We are not remembering now in order just to push them away and continue on with life as we know it. Our lives as we know it has come to an end. It is time to embrace who we are. We need to stop running. We can do this. We have each other. We have always had each other and we always will. We are not alone. There are people who believe in us – who support us – they have our backs.
Both men are in agreement. Bill wishful sighs and says “I need something to happen.” Ted fiercely agrees and so do I.
Now in front of the teepee I see an Indian woman. She is waving for us to come over. I ask the guys if they see her – and they do. I ask about our clothes – not sure if I want to go their naked. Bill says we are meant to and swims off. Ted and I follow.
Next thing I remember is young Indian women painting the same design on our faces and bodies. On our face there is a streak of red over each cheekbone. A line of black goes slightly diagonal from the corner of each eye. Across our foreheads is a white line. On our chests there is a white circle with there black dots inside (two on top, one middle bottom, like an inverted triangle). Under the circle is a blue wavy line.
We are instructed to sit, and hold hands – we do. Off to the side is a tribal shaman. He chants – I don’t know what he is saying. The women leave the area. We close our eyes.
For this next part it is like I’m an observer – but I can also feel me taking part – so odd. I can smell sweetgrass, sage and I think a combination of tobacco and something else (it’s white, but that is all I can remember). Our three souls stretch from our bodies – still in, but also out. The souls merge in the center and in a clockwise fashion, each soul enters and exits each of our bodies. The souls then go into the center and spiral towards the sky. They go out of the teepee to the heavens. There is a very intense energy shooting into our bodies. Then without warning the souls slam back into the correct bodies. We each take a huge intake of breath.
We open our eyes and the shaman says in very broken English “You are ready”.
I wake up.
Man – did I have the energy running through my body. Very intense!
On my mother’s side of the family there is American Indian. There is a disagreement on which tribe. One says Blackfeet another says Cherokee. I don’t know – the only way to know is to start to dig on that side of the family. With gypsies on my dad’s side and Indians on my mother’s side – it’s no wonder I am what I am. I’ve spent so much time exploring the gypsy side of my life that I have neglected learning about the American Indian side. This will go on my to-do list!
Must get back to work!